周末一笑: 最樂觀的人(ZT)

1 最樂觀的人

William may well be called the champion optimist. He was sitting on the roof of his house during a flood, watching the water flow fast, then the neighbor who owned a boat rowed across to him.

"Hi, William!" said the man.

"Hi, Jack!" replied William, brightly.

"All your fowls washed away this morning?"

"Yes, but it doesn't matter, you know the ducks can swim.”

"Orange trees gone, too?"

"Yes, but everybody said the crop would be failure anyhow.”

"I see the river's reached above your windows, William.”

"That’s all right, Jack, "was the reply. "The windows needed washing.”

 

2 把他送走!

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it，they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when mother found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time, and we’ll miss him."

"Yes," Mom replied." But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."

Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."

But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."

With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"

 

3 提醒

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, “Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

 

4 驚奇!

My first waitressing job was in a coffee shop. We featured a lunch special called "Tuna Salad Surprise", a tuna sandwich served with soup and chips. When our sandwich maker didn't show up for work one hectic Saturday, we had to prepare our own sandwiches.

A man sat down and ordered the special. I raced to the sandwich board, prepared the order, poured his coffee and rushed to the next customer. Later, as I delivered his check, he noted politely that he had never eaten a potato salad sandwich before. Horrified at my mistake, I asked, "Why didn't you tell me it was potato salad instead of tuna?"

"I thought that was the surprise."

 

5 關心

A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank, dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.

The teller next to me leaned over. "Sir, I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?"

 

6 過分緊張

My little girl loves animals, but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies, I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.

When the humane society truck pulled up, a big man got out, put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck.  Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.

"Lady, "he said, seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal.”