1．New and Improved 新舊大PK
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
2．How did you ever get here你是怎樣來的？
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "lt was so slippery out that for every step l took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up,¨ he said ,"and started for home."
3．All I do is pay我要做的一切就是付錢
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "MY wife is the Minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the Minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, his colleague replied. And what is your position?”
“I'm the people. All I do is pay."
4．The bad news and the terrible news壞消息和可怕的消息
Michael sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first.”
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
“That's the bad news?”一Asked Michael incredulously.“I can't wait to hear the terrible news.” “The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary．"
5．Best reward最好的獎賞
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand.
The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in．"
6．A Hasty Interruption 輕率的插話
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s.
Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s.
I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one,"I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. "
Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
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