1．Looking for A Companion 找個伴侶
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities.”
一個單身漢要電腦為他找個完美的伴侶：“我要找一個嬌小可愛的、喜愛水上運動又喜歡群體活動的伴侶。”
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin.”
得到的回答是：“娶一隻企鵝吧。”
2．A Tough Teacher強悍的老師
A school teacher friend of mine injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
我有一位作教師的朋友弄傷了他的背，因此上身不得不穿石膏罩。
On his first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he was assigned to teach the most undisciplined class.
開學的第一天，他的身上還穿著石膏罩。他被分派教最不守紀律的班級。
Stepping confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible.
他很自信的步入亂哄哄的教室，把窗子盡可能大的打開。
Just then, a strong breeze made his tie flap.
就在這時，一陣強風把他的領帶吹得飄起來。
Trying to fix the tie, he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through his tie into his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
為了固定領帶，他拿起黑板擦把一個大頭釘透過領帶砸入他的胸膛。那學期在他的課上，沒有不守紀律的。
3．Chief at Wedding警長在婚禮上
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
在小鎮上，一位交警攔住了一位在主路超速行駛的司機。
"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
“長官”這個男人說，“我可以解釋一下。”“安靜，”警官打斷他說
"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
“我要讓你在拘留所等著直到警長回來。”“但是，警官，我隻是想說，”“我說過安靜！你想待在拘留所嗎！”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.
幾小時以後，警官來探望他的拘留犯說：“你很幸運，我們警長去參加他女兒的婚禮了，他回來一定會心情很好。”
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
“別指望這樣，”那人在房裏回答道：“我就是新郎。"
4．It worked 真的有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
Tom早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。
So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
於是，Tom去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆藥丸並告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。
Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
Tom照醫生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鍾響之前就起來了。Tom從容不迫地吃完早餐，然後興高采烈地開車上班去了。
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
“老板”，Tom說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了！”
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
“是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
5．Wedding Anniversary結婚周年紀念
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50 wedding anniversary.
一對夫婦出去吃飯慶祝他們的五十周年結婚紀念。
On the way home, she notices tears in his eyes and asks if he's getting sentimental because they are celebrating fifty wonderful years together.
在回家的路上，她注意到他的眼裏含著淚水，於是問他是否在感傷他們慶祝五十年在一起的美好時光。
He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
他回答說：“不，我在想我們結婚前的時光。
Your father threatened me with a short gun and said he would have thrown me in jail for fifty years if I didn't marry you."
你的爸爸用槍威脅我，說如果我不娶你，他會把我送進監獄蹲五十年。”
6．Bad News and Good News好消息和壞消息
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
一名藝術家問畫廊老板，最近有沒有人對他展出的畫感興趣。“這有好消息和壞消息，”老板回答。
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
“好消息是有一位先生谘詢你的作品，他想知道在你死後你的畫會不會升值。我告訴他你的畫會升值，他就把你的15幅畫全都買走了。”
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
“真是太好了”，藝術家是喜形於色，“那壞消息是什麽？”帶著關心的口吻，畫廊老板回答，“買畫的人是你的醫生”。
