it's case like this..

that makes me really mad. He is abusing you, I don't know if he has ever beaten you, but he is certainly abusing you psychologically. If you could not take it and made up your mind in filing for the divorce, do find a lawyer. It does not matter if you have job or not, your hu*****and will pay you alimony and child support. You might end up in better shape. Find a good attorney. You might need to pay certain up-front amount to retain the attorney. But talk to the attorney, explain to him/her that you cannot pay now, but you will pay from your settlement. Some attorneys I know for sure will take other arrangements. Court almost always prefers child to live with mother as long as you not that bad a mother (I don't think you are). Good luck.