求建議: 這樣寫可以麽?

律師發EMAIL 問我有什麽修改的? 大家給看看

"Accounting Senior Specialist needed at XXXX in XXXX to manage accounting
functions and coordinate, conduct, and document financial analysis projects.
Masters Degree in Accounting and 2 years experience performing account
analyses and developing new accounting functions and financial reports
utilizing SAGE, Oracle, Visual Basic and SQL required. OR Bachelors Degree
in Accounting and 5 years experience performing account analyses and
ensuring implementation of departmental controls utilizing SAGE, Oracle,
Visual Basic, and SQL required."