I have realised your tendentiousness,

which you may not admit that it is, of trying to be in modes like "beautiful ambiguity.....space....silence....peace....laugh....etc...". it may be a true reflection of your status of mind. but any tendentiousness is a tendentiousness no matter what type it is.

To me, positive emotions or negative emotions are always necessary complement. There are sound reasons why a negative one like anxiety becomes the major philosophical vehicle disclosing important insights into the nature of life. it's not about self-defense by the way. Seeing through all the ugly stuff makes me understand more about the other side.

and I personally don't like using enigmatic language to write or create something full of self-complacent metaphors which I found a lot in Zoulang. writing what exactly i'd like to say soothes both my heart and mind.