周末一笑：Five Hundred Times

1．Five Hundred Times五百遍

 

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

 

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.

 

"You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

 

2．Your Horse Called馬打電話來了

 

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

 

He asks, "What was that for?"

 

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

 

He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

 

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

 

He asks, "What was that for?"

 

She answers, "Your horse called."

 

3．Midway tactics中間戰術

 

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.

 

Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

 

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale" and "Super Bargains"

 

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed" and ¨Fantastic Discounts" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE"

 

4．The Best Answer 最佳答案

 

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

 

The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

 

5．Life after Death死後重生

 

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

 

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on.

 

 "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

 

6．I am acting like a lady我要表現得象位女士

 

One day when women’s dresses were on sale at the Fareast Department Store， a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.

 

But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then， with head lowered and arms flailing， he plowed through the crowed.

 

 "You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can’t you act like a gentleman?" "Listen，" he said， "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.

 

From now on， I am acting like a lady."

(from Internet)