The more I write here and the longer I block everyone, the harder for me to unblock them. When I know someone cares about me, I suddenly want to unblock it. Well, I did not eventually. I am a strange person sometimes. I do not understand myself but I do let my heart and mind go by themselves.
Tomorrow is a big day. I am not sure what everything gona be like. Hope everything goes well and hope I can be happier.
I want to write something to him. But I don't know what to write. I don't want to lie and I don't want to hurt. So, I keep silent. Well, how long can I stay like this? Not very long, I guess.
Life is not easy for me as people see. I really don't know how to deal with things in my life.
I applied some jobs these days. I describe myself as a person who has strong “ management and organizational skills". Well, am I really? Hopefully my potential employers won't see this site by accident. But my heart tells me that I am NOT. I can hardly organize my life. I can not manage my emotion.
He is leaving on Friday. I still get lots group works and teaching job to do. I guess I don't have too much time to think about things like that. This weekend might be a break for both of us. Life may get a little bit different without being together. But that's not a bad thing for us.
I am a regular person. He knows that. I will always do things in the box and nothing really exciting. I think he is bored of this kind of life. Well, I am afraid that I am not able to change much about it. I tried but there are many things we have to do regularly everyday.
One day, when he is tired to eat my cooking, hear my voice and see me, we will end up there. Because that's not the life he expects.
I don't know what i am saying. That's maybe why I can not open this blog to people. I got to figure things out myself. Hopefully, I won't be confusing shortly.
I love you, but you love yourself
It's a COLD day.
It's a BLUE day.
It's just like my mood today.
It's been a really BAD day for me. I was dying in the classes and finally got through that. I try hard not to think about it. Finally, I found that's impossible.
You know-it hurts.
Well, how can you know that?
I lost my mind the whole day. I made stupid mistakes all the time today. I want to do nothing - or I want to make myself busy. I do not want to go home. I do not want to see anyone. I can feel my tears while I am sitting in front of the screen. I can hardly help myself with my thoughts.
I do not know what these signs mean to you. It means pain to me. The red is blood. It is...
知道有人時常關心我的BLOG,是蠻開心的。我是個容易開心也容易滿足的女生。不知為什麽，我還是決定把所有人都阻止掉－我想有時我的確是個奇怪的人。不管怎樣，被人關心是幸福的，隻可惜這幸福是靠不住的。靠幸福過一輩子的人是不幸的。也許，眼前的幸福也靠不住吧－誰知道呢？有些人注定是在飄，有些人注定要停靠。靠不住，於是想逃了。
還有整整一周就要奔赴考場了。沒有感覺。
就在今天，我們大吵了一架。
就在今天，我放肆地哭了一場。很久沒有如此痛快了。哭到最後，隻是想哭而已。
一年前的今天，我一定比今天難過一百倍。隻是那時淚流幹了而已。
原來，能有淚流也是件好事。
不知為什麽阻止了所有人。
也許是開始想保護自己了吧
突然覺得世事無常，有點無奈...
想家了。去年的這個時候也格外想家。難道又是一個循環嗎？
我真的不想抓住不放了。過不了自己這一關是多麽可怕的事啊！
很亂－所以裝的鎮定。
亂－說不出來，於是－隻能在心裏。
不亂的那一天，也許我會在讓某些人看到這裏的一切。又或者，我將毀掉這一切。
Loving you...
小學的同學，很久沒有聯係。他加了我的MSN，很開心，很想跟他聊聊。從前的很多事，想想挺有趣的。可是他不在線。偶然地翻看了他的日誌，心裏感覺酸酸的，真的。老實說，他的日誌和我其他異性朋友的不太一樣。說不清楚，就是覺得不一樣。或許平時的他並不是那樣，隻是在某些時刻罷了。仔細想想分開也快十年了－十年，人的一生又有幾個十年啊，十年可以將一個人變成什麽樣子啊？！
讀到的除了這些年間發生在他身邊的一些事，也讀到了許多小時候讀不到的東西。與其說是改變不如說是成長。有很多心痛，但或許這才是成長的意義。
真的很心酸，祝他幸福吧！
