Sal是一位從菲律賓移民來的同事，十幾歲就移民來了美國。他個不高，大眼睛，走起路來慢悠悠，一搖一晃的。他人老實本分，天生一副好脾氣，見人總是三分笑， 和善，性格溫和，不多話，一副知足常樂的樣子。不知情的，一定會被他的表像所迷惑。他其實一年多前突然心髒發病，年紀輕輕才四十三歲就heart attack，幸虧叫了救護車，加上當時疫情還不嚴重，及時住進了ICU，才無大礙。記得當時大家都在家工作，聽聞都很驚訝。我隻知道他有痛風史，發作起來路都走不了，有時見他在公司走路一拐一拐的，就知道他痛風又發作了。他說，嚴重時他自己在家幾乎是爬著去上廁所的。而據他說，這次心髒發病跟長期的痛風有關，而痛風又跟他的飲食習慣有關。他說，菲律賓人喜歡吃肉，吃很多肉，最愛吃肥肉。有意思的事，部門有兩個菲律賓人，都有痛風，看來還真是飲食習慣所致。

 

Sal有一個自閉症的女兒，今年十四歲。他cubicle的桌上一直放著一張女兒上preschool的照片。一眼看上去，就會覺得這孩子有幾分患down syndrome的麵相。我們雖然同部門但是不同組，平時工作上接觸不多，但有時會在廚房碰見他，偶爾聊起她女兒，得知他女兒的自閉症是屬於比較嚴重的那種，具體表現在，比如不太會用語言表達，常常是大喊大叫或是哭叫引起人注意，不知道怎麽跟其他人交往。人的情緒比較容易躁動不安，智力也比一般孩子要差些，個兒也小一些。十四歲了，晚上不敢一個人睡覺，要和爸爸媽媽一起睡，爸爸走到哪裏她跟到哪裏。Sal說，他錯過了給她治療的最佳期，雖然後來看過醫生，但是因為沒有什麽療效就放棄了。現在孩子年齡一年大一年，情況沒有好轉。他覺得自己做的不夠，沒有太多時間陪她，加上和前妻離婚，女兒跟他在一起的時間相對也少很多。他提到女兒微小的進步，比如帶女兒去餐館吃飯，她會自己開口order食物，可是每次都隻點spaghetti (後來從我女兒那裏得知，自閉症的孩子喜歡spaghetti是有原因，因為spaghetti吃起來舌頭比較有觸覺) 做父親的他自然是希望女兒能點更多不同的菜肴，體驗不一樣的滋味。

 

Sal這個女兒是他和前妻所生，兩個人離婚後又各自重組家庭，但是對這個自閉症女兒的扶養是兩人共同承擔的。兩人現在住的地方相隔很遠，單程開車要兩個小時。Sal每個周五要開車兩小時去接女兒回家一起過周末，然後下個星期再送她回去。最近一次在廚房遇見他，我們多聊了些，聊到亞洲的發展，聊到以後我們退休後可以比一般人多一個選擇，即回國養老。Sal沒有絲毫猶豫地說，他以後要回菲律賓養老的，他要帶他女兒一起回去，因為他清楚，像他女兒這樣子以後不太可能有工作，不能養活自己，更談不上嫁人，是需要他(i.e.父母)一輩子跟著照顧的， 而退休去菲律賓生活費用低，那裏還有他的兩三個兄弟姐妹。

 

這麽多年同事，我從來沒有見Sal憂心忡忡過，每次見他都是一副怡然自得，不緊不慢的樣子，幾次在廚房看到他，一個人在看手機， 看tiktok, 看到搞笑的視屏開心地笑著。有時不禁會想，換成是我，該愁成什麽樣了？ 他背著這樣的一個包袱仍然樂觀開朗，或許曾經的他也彷徨苦惱過，或許他也隻有選擇麵對，選擇放下，因為路總是要走下去的。

 

我跟女兒講起Sal的故事，感慨地對女兒說，"媽媽看到他，知道他女兒的情況，就覺得自己很慶幸，你至少是健健康康的。哪怕我們的生活有這樣那樣的問題，哪怕我們的人生會碰到這樣那樣的挫折，比起他們，我們這些事都不叫事，這些問題都不是問題。"

 

說起來Sal也算是不起眼的小人物，不被人關注，默默無聞。在公司十幾年了，不見升遷，在基本不變的位置上日複一日，年複一年地做著簡單重複的勞動。現任太太在家給人做billing， 估計薪水也不會高。兩口子沒有買房，還住在一房一廳的公寓裏。加州近兩年這樣的漲幅估計他們也快要買不起了。但是，就是這樣一個普普通通貌似不成功的人士，卻會讓我時常想起。在我軟弱的時候，在我對女兒快要失去耐心的時候，會想起他的笑臉，他的樂觀，他平和的人生態度，淡泊的欲望，來反襯自己的negative和浮躁，用他對自閉症女兒的愛和耐心提醒自己不要急躁。他這樣的家境都能保持樂觀的心態，比起他，我還有什麽可抱怨的?

 

Sal, born and raised in a big family in Philippines, immigrated here when he was a teenager.  He has seven brothers and sisters, most of them now in the states. However his parents both passed away, his mom died of stroke many years ago.

Sal is 44 years old this year, but like most Asians, he looks younger than his age. Young as he is, he had a heart attack last year and was admitted to ICU for a few days. He has recovered well since. When asked what he thought caused the heart attack, he attributed it to his unhealthy diet, fatty meat in particular as most Filipinos like to eat. His penchant for red meat is the culprit for his chronic gout, culminating in the heart attack.

Sal has an autistic daughter from his first marriage. A picture of his daughter from preschool is displayed at his cubicle wall, along with other small ones, in which he and his wife were cuddling and kissing her in the middle. The girl’s stiff half-smiling face somehow reminded me of a down-syndrome child. Sal told me that at the age of 14, his daughter still sleeps with the parents, afraid of being left alone in her own bed. She lives in her own little world, singing but not talking much, playing with animals but not the kids of her age.

Sal’s ex-wife lives two-hours-drive away. Every Friday afternoon Sal would be driving on the busy highway to pick up her daughter for the weekend and then drive another two hours to send her back. Sal and his new wife live in a one-bedroom apartment. When we were locked down and asked to work from home during the pandemic, Sal still came to office. His apartment is too small for two of them working side by side peacefully. He thought of upgrading to a two-bedroom, but then he said he needed to save for rainy days and for his daughter’s future.  As a father of a girl with autism, Sal knows he would have to tend her whenever and wherever. Perhaps to retire in Philippines is a good choice, said he with a smile.

 

10/18/2021

Another rain came this early morning. As I got up from a warm cozy bed, pulled apart the curtains and lifted the windowpane, crisp air gushed in. The freshly rain-washed eucalyptus tree branches were swaying in the wind, its bell-shaped flowers dancing with the dangling leaves. The street next to it was wet and quiet, with a few cars parked by the sides. As I stood there inhaling, I heard the familiar chittering sounds of hummingbirds. They must be the same hummingbirds that frequent my backyard.

In the common area, there are a few giant eucalyptus trees lining up in front of our homes, towering over and dropping leaves and gumnuts on the roofs. Next to my first floor kitchen window and the second floor bedroom window is the most beautiful one, blooming with pink flowers amid lush leaves. Its barks are rough and peeling off though, as new layer inside grows and hardens each year. Tinged with a touch of waxy silver color, the leaves are evergreen, the extract of which, in the form of scented oil, is believed to have some herbal healing effect. As the sun came out around noon, I stepped out the door with a camera. As I zoomed in on the fluffy flowers, a few vibrating bees came into sight. They were humming and feasting on the rich nectar. Their presence made me think of hummingbirds—if they ever feed on this kind of nectar too. Though hummingbirds still visit my backyard every day vying for the sugar water in the feeder, the aggressive one still chasing the rest, the battle for food is far less fierce. It could be these blooming eucalyptus flowers that suffice them. Nevertheless, nature provides more varied flavors or nutrients than a sugar-water feeder.  And as more rains are on the way, an extravagant spring is blissfully expected.

 

 

 

 

枇杷樹開始開花了

eucalyptus flowers