5/18

 

幾個星期前鼓就已經敲響，要大家準備回公司上班。管理層已經開始做出榜樣，讓人感覺回公司上班是上進，留在家裏上班是落後。於我，落後就落後吧，能拖一星期是一星期，就這樣，原本上星期就該回去上班的，讓我一句免疫抗體要在疫苗兩星期後產生的理由，給全小組的員工多拖了一星期。

 

為了回去上班，周日把頭發染了，在家上班一年多沒染，一側白頭發特別明顯。染好後，某人看了一眼恭維說，一下子年輕得像十八九歲的姑娘。而我卻覺得這烏黑烏黑的一側頭發黑的有點突兀，倒更習慣原來的自然白，那才是真正的我。

 

周一晚上在家開始準備第二天上班要帶的東西--帶上一條護肩大圍巾，空調房備用; 帶上自己喝水的杯子和一大玻璃壺，省得一次次去廚房灌水; 戴上耳機，每天的例會可以用，還可以聽音樂; 帶上一副老花鏡just in case, 還有藥、維他命、 一小盒黑色巧克力，一袋薑糖，晚上又在手機裏下載了兩首自己喜歡的新歌(對了，忘了帶護手霜了)。本來還想給自己再縫一個全棉的口罩，全棉貼著嘴舒服多了，可後來有點懶得動，好在暫時不需要天天回去上班，口罩洗了隔天幹了可以繼續用。

 

今日起床後又從冰箱裏拿出了一盒酸奶，一個西紅柿，半個洋蔥，兩個牛油果，幾個新鮮的杏子準備當午餐。還順便帶上了不鏽鋼的勺子和叉子，為減少塑料垃圾做貢獻 。就這樣拎著兩大包東西匆匆上了車。

 

雖然公司離家近，但是不比在家上班，可以穿著睡衣，先log in, 再悠哉悠哉地梳洗、吃早飯，有時還可以先看一眼後院的花花草草再回到電腦桌前。雖說是戴著口罩上班，不需要露臉，公司為鼓勵員工回來上班，這階段甚至不要求大家著正裝，但是基本的整潔幹淨還是必須的。所以早上的事情自然多了些。

 

九點不到到公司，坐下來log in後，第一件事情是去廚房倒水，順便看一眼小老板來了沒有。小老板沒來，她一般來得晚。回到座位上，掏出手機想看一眼文學城和股票，卻發現手機反應非常慢--它不會是習慣了自由自在的WIFI環境，一下子要回到mobile data找不到北了吧? 看著半天出不來頁麵的手機，突然覺得自己和它一樣是個仰人鼻息的小媳婦。

 

戴一天口罩上班的滋味不好受，當我中午走出大樓，迫不及待地扯下口罩那一刻，聞到的新修路麵散發的瀝青味都覺得是香的，也因此更加體會了一線醫務人員的不易。

 

不得不承認，回公司上班的效率是要高一些，心無旁騖，安靜專心。但是喝一口水吃一點東西得先拉下口罩的感覺真不好，口罩戴久了一度感覺腦瓜子也好像缺氧，蒙著一層東西，反應有點木訥、遲鈍。公司HR已經在昨天發布了CDC的最新指示，打完疫苗的可以不戴口罩，而今天我也確確實實見到了不戴口罩的員工。但是我不願意自己現在就去冒這個險，雖然在這樣封閉的空調環境，我的口罩(戴兩個口罩)對病毒能起到多大作用還是個問題，更何況一天坐在那裏總得拉下口罩喝水，但是我依然選擇相信口罩能多少幫助自己減少接觸麵。

 

中午的飯是在車裏吃的，五月的天氣不冷不熱，吃完了打開一點車窗還閉目養神了一會，然後戴上口罩重回大樓。

 

記得自己以前寫過，員工就像下蛋的雞，現在沒人再喊"狼來了"，主人就覺得圈養更好，這樣每天可以拚命喂它雞食，讓雞專心下蛋，下好蛋，多下蛋，哪怕雞說，你放我出去，我保證一天一個蛋生在你指定的地方，主人還是不放心，寧願花錢重建雞窩，守著下蛋的雞在他眼皮底下。而雞呢，為了這口吃的，也顧不上幸福與否，顧不上什麽"雞"權還是發言權，乖乖地回到了從前的雞籠裏。

 

 

 

The first day back to office started with a hectic morning. Woken up by the 8 am alarm, as I stayed late till the wee hour the night before, I got up, a bit lethargic, and went down to the kitchen . Putting a small pot of oatmeal over the stove, I hurried back upstairs to wash myself, knowing that the oatmeal could overflow in any minute. Downstairs again, I began packing what I was about to bring to the office-- a water cup, a water pitcher, a cell phone charger, an earphone, a magazine, some snacks, my lunch box packed with a stainless- steel spoon and fork…

The office is only ten minutes local drive away, and by the time I got to the office, it was almost 9. The parking lot was additionally parked with a few trucks with workers trimming the trees. The road surface looks repaved, permeating the air with the lingering asphalt. Entering the building with two masks on, I saw a new welcome-back poster next to a sanitary station.

Like a chicken set free on a wild range happily roaming and laying eggs, then being called back by the owner to the chicken coop, I succumb to going back to the office after a year-long working from home. My cell phone, so used to Wi-fi, was confusedly lost for the first few minutes, scrambling for mobile signals laboriously.  While pandemic limits our freedom, it did give me an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to stay at home and work. Though coming back to work at office is still partial, Tuesday and Thursday for now, I know the good time is over.

I miss the lazy morning and its leisureness without rushing to change or dress up. I miss the nap in the comfy bed. I miss the twenty minutes ping-pong time, playing, cheering and sweating. I miss my garden as I walk and tend to the plants, moving the pot from one side to the other for the best sun. I even miss the lizards who find our backyard home, boldly basking themselves almost every day around the same time in the same open spot…

 

 

 

People say that pandemic is disruptive in speeding up the digitalization and changing people’s behavior and mindset. Now with the vaccines fully rolled out, it is widely expected that things will soon go back to normal, or be forced to be so. But will it be that easy? How far can we go back?

Admittedly my day in office is more productive. But working with masks on for about eight hours suffocated me. For a time, my brain worked slower, as if also veiled by masks. Luckily I can work from home tomorrow alternatively, a new hybrid working mode, which won’t last for long before we are asked to return to the office completely.