我在這個世界上太過孤獨

我在這個世界上太過孤獨，但是還沒有足夠孤獨

可以真正地奉獻出自己的每一分每一秒

我在這個世界上太過渺小，但是還沒有足夠渺小

可以像事物一樣呈現在你麵前 隱秘又精明

我想要我的自由意誌 想讓它陪伴我

走過那條引領行動的生命之路

我希望在疑難叢生之際

困惑頓起之時

知道什麽將會發生 

否則 我將隻會是孤單一人

我想要把你的形象反映到極致

永遠不會盲目或者衰老

能夠撐起你那厚重的 飄忽不定的映像

我想要把自己打開

我不希望自己有任何的折疊和扭曲 

因為那樣我將不誠實 不真實

我希望我的認知在你的麵前是真實的

我希望這樣描述自己 就像描述一幅畫

長時間地 近距離地觀察著的一幅畫：

像終於理解並且接受的一句話

像每天用著的水杯

像母親的臉

像是一艘前進的船 安全地承載著我 

通過那最致命的風暴

～～～～～～～

譯者語：

和裏爾克的很多詩作一樣， 這首也不是一首好理解很直接的詩歌。好在這首比較出名，我在網上找到了幾個版本的英文譯文和英文的詩歌分析。分析文章的作者大都認為這是在講述作者自己和愛人之間的關係， 說的是靠近愛人和保持自我之間的矛盾。 我不這麽看。 我不認為詩中的 “你” 是指戀人，做戀人解有些地方不通（比如說 事物）， 這裏的“你”我認為是指 “造物主”，生物宇宙的主宰。 博友EuphoriaF在一篇博文中說 “詩人裏爾克旅行的時候，聖經是他隨身帶的兩本書之一”， 這讓人以為裏爾克是基督教徒，可是裏爾克說過他自己絕對不是一個基督教徒。 我覺得我可以理解這一點， 因為他心中的“主”不是耶穌，那是超越耶穌基督的大全世界的主宰，是萬事萬物運行的最根本的力量 （《主啊 我找到了你，在萬物之中》 https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/202111/30189.html）。 這首詩，寫的是一個人作為大全世界的一個部分 （非獨立個體），順命從運，和一個人作為獨立個體的自由意誌之間的矛盾。 這首詩跟他的另一首詩 《蓮》（https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/201706/32141.html）有異曲同工之妙：

“你的整個生命是你自己的 但正是說這話之人
會把我 從我生命的無窮盡剝離 ”

“我無欲無求 我隨波而動

在隨波逐流之中 我充盈完善著自己的王國”。

～～～～～～～～～

I am Much Too Alone in this World

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone 

    enough

to truly consecrate the hour.

I am much too small in this world, yet not small 

    enough

to be to you just object and thing,

dark and smart.

I want my free will and want it accompanying

the path which leads to action;

and want during times that beg questions,

where something is up,

to be among those in the know,

or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,

never be blind or too old

to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.

I want to unfold.

Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;

for there I would be dishonest, untrue. 

I want my conscience to be

true before you;

want to describe myself like a picture I observed

for a long time, one close up,

like a new word I learned and embraced,

like the everyday jug,

like my mother's face,

like a ship that carried me along

through the deadliest storm.

--- Rainer Maria Rilke (trans. by Annemarie S. Kidder)

I am Much too Alone in This World

I am too alone in the world, and not alone enough
to make every minute holy.
I am too tiny in this world, and not tiny enough
just to lie before you like a thing,
shrewd and secretive.
I want my own will, and I want simply to be with my will,
as it goes toward action,
and in the silent, sometimes hardly moving times
when something is coming near,
I want to be with those who know secret things
or else alone.
I want to be a mirror for your whole body,
and I never want to be blind, or to be too old
to hold up your heavy and swaying picture.
I want to unfold.
I don’t want to stay folded anywhere,
because where I am folded, there I am a lie.
And I want my grasp of things
true before you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I looked at
closely for a long time,
like a saying that I finally understood,
like the pitcher I use every day,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that took me safely
through the wildest storm of all.

(Trans. https://apoemaday.tumblr.com/post/667301414757892096/i-am-too-alone-in-the-world-and-not-alone-enough)