In the first weeks of high-school, Tim joined clubs, made new friends,

discovered the garden and the gym, aced his classes, and rode the train back

home every day. It was gorgeous weather and despite the heat of early

September afternoons, I often took a 10min walk to the train station to meet 

him. In two years, he had surpassed me in both height and weight. Watching him

in a dark T-shirt and short black hair lumbering like a bear across the

platform on the other side, I couldn't help wondering how the boy had grown!

Yesterday, on our way home, Tim broke the news that cousin Z, a college junior,

got from his parents an Audi that costed 450k RMB!

Before Covid, Tim used to travel to China every year. There, he met Z, his

mother's nephew. There were a 5-year gap and a language barrier but the two

teenagers, each an only child, got along well. Z's parents went to career

schools and his father worked his way to become a high-level executive for a

nation-wide grocery chain. Z studied hard but didn't seem to excel in school.

Over the years, he switched plans from joining the army to a career in IT.

Giving lavish gifts seemed to be Z's family tradition.

It just happened that the past weekend, my nephew H, who earned his masters

degree from a prestigious US university this spring, told me that he just got

his driver's license and was deciding whether to buy a 485, his nickname for

Subaru. The kid had worked at Intel for five months. "I can pay cash but have to

get a loan to build credit." he told me.

It was good for Tim to compare his cousins' first cars.

"Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health." said Carl Jung. I think

the contrary is true, too, i.e., unearned ease and luxuries kill man's spirit.

If I give Tim things such as a new car, a house, or money, I would be literally

taking away his chances and denting his motivation to strive for his own. Overcoming

difficulties in the process is crucial for his self-esteem.