 |
今天天氣好得令人心醉，我睡到下午1點，做了很多奇怪的夢，記不清內容，隻記得在夢裏不停的哭。昨晚看歐洲杯比賽，意大利對羅馬尼亞，我和D打賭，他說2-1，意大利贏，我說1-1平。沒什麽意外，我贏了，女人的直覺很準，我可以考慮去賭球，lol. 歐洲杯很精彩，連對足球興趣一般的我也看得津津有味。
周五早起，和D聊天，又是吵架，也不知道哪兒來那麽多的不愉快。他說我給他壓力，我說他自我中心，他說我like those barbie girls, 我說，“maybe I am a barbie girl, cos I need more caring and attention from the dumbass who supposed to be my bf!” 吵夠了，還要去上班，早晨的辦公室裏，我火氣十足，老板小心翼翼的看我的臉色。朋友們都說，算了，這事兒成不了；其實，不用他們說，我心裏也很清楚，我和D不合適，雖然在一起的時候很開心，但性格上，he is kinda naive, after all, he is only 27, what I can say, and he is spoiled, 2 years living in Shanghai, well, everybody knows whats going on there for a cute white guy... 而我，沒有耐心和“小朋友”相處，看以前德的例子就知道，而且，要我去spoil a guy，除非我腦子壞掉，這種事情我是想做也做不來的。還有那麽遠的距離，Takako說的對，我根本不適合遠距離戀愛，其實我一直覺得long distance relationship is bullshit, if the one you love cant be standing by you when you need him/her, what the relationship for? 但是我就如同嚐百草的神農，非要嚐到“NND，這草有毒”，才算罷休，一個朋友就說過我，“你是不撞南牆不回頭”，不過還好，至少我知道回頭，總比撞了南牆仍舊不回頭的人要好，滿頭大包的繼續撞南牆，那得有多大的毅力，lol. 遠距離戀愛的基礎是互相信任，但要我去相信一個男人，這件事，很難，just check out all my male friends, how many little tricks they play behind their gfs/wives? 當然，正人君子總是有的，不過我不想去賭我的運氣，if I say I trust him, probably means I dont care, if I dont care, trust or not, it doesnt matter at all, right? 人生的不快樂無非是擔心得不到，或者害怕會失去已經得到的，如果什麽都無所謂，自然就快樂了。從瑞士回來有一個月了，我的愛情fever也該過去了，step back a little, I would be much happier, 比起煎熬且甜蜜的愛著，我更喜歡冷淡且自由的無所謂著。
工作越來越忙，我現在每天早早到辦公室，希望到年底公司會有好的成績，這樣我就可以和老板談加薪。前幾天和Dave吃飯，他幫我分析了一下，有希望把年薪提高一倍，這個想法讓我對工作的熱情開始有些恢複，畢竟是生存之本，money, career，對單身女人來說，比愛情要可靠很多，我喜歡可以握在自己手裏的東西，感覺更踏實。而且，this year I gonna be 29 years old, 軼已經過了29歲生日，現在嚴禁我對她提“29”這個數字，怡的29歲生日很快就要到，天天對我發表她的感慨，F同學雖然是男生，但29歲生日一樣也讓他有些慌恐... 20s的最後一年，its time to get my life more organized, be a little more serious about stuff, maybe I dont have to settle down, get married, have kids... yet, but at least, should be able to offer myself some good quality life.
最近遠離shopping，錢都花在吃飯，喝酒，出去玩上。夏天，the party season, 隻要不下雨，就想出去玩，特別是溫暖的夏日夜晚，不到處閑逛一番，實在是浪費。周三和Dave吃晚飯，然後他帶我去了一個小pub，很是可愛，they have "shot hall of fame", 15 different shots, then you can get a free t-shirt and your name on the wall. 我慢慢讀牆上的小銅牌，名字，日期，還有一句話留言，a guy said, "whats my name?" Well, after 15 shots, its not easy to remember your own name, lol. 有機會，我也想試一次，希望不會又醉得被送醫院，慢慢喝，應該不會那麽糟。和Dave閑扯，他說他上周又fool around, 然後說了一句，“I feel really empty, hollow, cos the woman I had sex with is not the woman I love.” 真是得了便宜還賣乖，我正想揶揄他幾句，突然看到Dave的眼神，那種從沒見過的悲哀... “I have been too selfish, maybe I should change, for her(means his ex-wife)...”我沉默，每個人都有自己的問題，不去想，不代表不存在。
昨晚又和Miho出去，晚飯，然後A971。比起Heartland，我現在更喜歡A971，人少些，空間又大，不用擠來擠去，bartenders越來越上道，DJ也不錯。Miho還是繼續尋找她的serious relationship, scanning all the guys there, I was enjoying my cold beer, good trance music, and watching people. 偶然和一個男人對上眼神，他微笑，我也禮貌的笑一笑，但沒有什麽特別的興趣，he was on a date with a girl, at the same time flirting, lol. 後來，和那個男人一起的女孩去bar台買酒，他竟然徑直走到我麵前，把他的business card遞給我，“Would you email or call me?”我笑，“Is that your gf?”他說，“Nah, just a friend, I would like to talk with you more than her.”LOL, Jesus, 我想如果那個女生聽到他這麽講，估計會把整杯酒潑他臉上。我接過名片，笑笑，“Sure.”等Miho回來，我講給她聽，Miho立刻興奮的開始scanning the guy and his date，然後不停的問我會不會聯係他，我笑，說，“如果你對他有興趣，我可以把名片給你。”Well, its the typical friday night in Tokyo, easy to have fun, but tough to find happiness, always.
|
|
|
