BILLY When is mommy coming back?
TED (lying) Soon. Very soon.
By now they are inside the kitchen, Ted looks around.
27 HIS P.O.V.: There, on the kitchen cabinet is a box of "natural grain" cereal, a jar of honey, some wheat germ, and a banana, with carefully written instructions from Joanna underneath.
ON TED--He takes one look at the note, crumples it up and tosses it in the wastebasket.
TED (the camp counselor) I'll tell you what, kiddo--why don't I fix us some French toast?
BILLY (impressed) Wow! French toast, really?
TED (the camp counselor) Sure. Didn't I ever tell you French toast was my specialty? I'll bet I never told you that. Now then, the first thing we need is... (trying desperately to remember) ... eggs! Right?
Billy nods. Ted opens the refrigerator and takes some eggs.
TED This is terrific ... isn't this terrific?
As Ted begins the process of making French toast, it soon becomes obvious that he has no idea of what he is doing. What follows is a symphony in incompetence on Ted's part. He breaks the eggs into a bowl and ends up with most of the shell mixed up with the egg. Then he takes a piece of bread and drops it into bowl.
TED (saying it will make it so) I'm having a good time...Are you having a good time?
ON BILLY--watching all of this with increasing apprehension.
BILLY You forgot the milk.
TED (still the camp counselor) That's right. You're absolutely right...It's been a long time since I made French toast.
Ted takes a container of milk, pours it into the bowl so that it is filled to the brim. Then he sloshes the bread around until it is half-dissolved.
TED Look at this, isn't this something?!
He lops off a huge hunk of butter, drops it into an omelet pan and turns up the flame.
ON BILLY--watching. He looks as though he is about to throw up.
BILLY What about my orange juice?
TED (the counterman) Right. One O.J. coming up.
He opens the refrigerator and starts to get the orange juice. As he does, black smoke begins to billow ominously from the frying pan.
BILLY (scared) Daddy!!!
Ted turns, spots the smoke.
TED Don't worry.. .Everything's
fine...
He lunges for the handle of the frying pan, which by now is very hot. He grabs it, lets out a howl of pain and the whole mess, frying pan, butter, bread, goes crashing to the floor.
CLOSE ON TED--Suddenly all the rage comes pouring out.
TED Goddam! Son of a bitch!
REACTION, BILLY--terrified.
WIDE SHOT--as Ted kneels down and begins to clean up the mess.
TED (to himself as much as to Billy) It's okay. It's gonna be okay... Everything's going to be all right.
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