"Call Linda," I told myself as I embarked on the 20-minute drive home. "Call Linda as soon as you get home." I had suddenly remembered that my friend's birthday was coming up. I wanted to call to set a date and treat her to lunch, in keeping with our time-honored custom.
But I had to hold that thought in my head for 20 minutes. I can't always remember why I went into the kitchen. What chance did this thought have? Without my to-do list at hand, I was virtually helpless. If I weren't en route, I could call and leave a message for myself--a favorite tactic--but after those statistics comparing cell phone use to drunk driving, no more cell calls from my car. Was I doomed to forget what I wanted to remember?
I decided to use a favorite tool from my mental toolkit--behavior rehearsal. I imagined myself arriving at home, throwing down my purse and pack, walking into the kitchen, and picking up the phone to call Linda. Then, just for more reinforcement, I gave myself the self-instruction, "Call Linda," once again, out loud this time for better memoryretention.
Still, I worried that this self-instruction didn't have a chance. Sure enough, soon I was cruising down the highway, listening to a fascinating feature or three on NPR. My focus changed from my intention of the moment to the news of the day.
By the time I arrived at home, my mind was filled with other thoughts, plans, and tasks. Habit took over. I did walk into the kitchen, but only to put the water on for coffee. Then I ambled into my study to work. The idea of calling my friend was completely crowded out, pushed to the back of my thought queue by all the other thoughts that were butting in.
I view willpower as a kind of mind power. As I define it in my book, Changepower, pure willpower is "using only the thought of your motivators to guide your behavior." In this case, my motivator--friendship--was a strong one. My goal was clear--set up a lunch date. No latent or unconscious motivators were involved. I used as many mental tricks as I could to emblazon the intended task into my brain. Both the spirit and the flesh were willing, but the memory was weak.
Psychologist Walter Mischel, he of the famous marshmallow experiments, believes that the crucial skill in developing strong self-control (willpower) is the "strategic allocation of attention." In this view, willpower is like a spotlight. To increase your willpower, deliberately focus the spotlight of your attention on whatever will help you reach your goal. "Keep your eyes on the prize" is a good motto for developing this kind of willpower. The spotlight metaphor also explains what we mean when we say a person has "focus." (In upcoming blogs, I'll write about the "spotlight," "muscle," and "social" theories of willpower.)
In my case, that spotlight was originally shining on "Call Linda," but I couldn't keep my goal in focus. As I listened to NPR, the spotlight of my attention shifted to the health care crisis, the latest book, and the latest news.
An hour later, as I was working busily away, one neuron mysteriously nudged another, and the thought flew back: "Call Linda!" "Call Linda," I told myself triumphantly. I wrote it on my list with a flourish. I decided to make the call then and there just in case the thought got submerged again. And I did.
Maybe all those mental exercises helped in some way. Or not. But I do know one thing: Sometimes willpower is only as good as your memory.
