今天去給朋友J送便當，其實不是給她，是給她家人。

J是我大學同學，當年我們電機電腦工程係女生特別少。她人甜蜜、又用功，一直是乖乖牌。

今年年初，經過了5年的癌症搏鬥後，J過世了，留下了先生和四個年幼的孩子—四個男孩，三歲、五歲、7歲、和九歲。 她在懷孕老三的時候，查出來右肺有一顆葡萄柚大的腫瘤，雖然切除了，但生完老四後癌症又轉化成腦瘤。 在這過去五年與癌症搏鬥中，她是那樣堅強又勇敢，也從來沒有動搖過信仰。

今天帶上了我家弟弟Lucas，他跟J的老大隻差兩個月。

孩子們在前院玩爬樹蕩秋千，我和朋友的先生（其實也是我們大學同學）說話。 老四Henry，才三歲，送給我一根漂亮的羽毛。 他說眼睛裏有東西，我蹲下來仔細查看，沒看出什麽。 他爸爸說，他隻是需要一點女性的關愛。 我的心頓時碎成千千片。

離開後，我的淚水竟然止不住地湧上來，隻得在下一個街口停車。 弟弟從後座飛速跨躍到前座，用他的小身體緊緊地抱住我，頭靠著我的頭，靜靜地陪我一起流淚。 我想到J不能再給這些孩子抱抱，不能親親他們的booboo，不能跟他們一起烤餅幹，我為他們心碎。

弟弟和我一起計劃，我們要請他們來家裏烤餅幹，看電影，去遊泳。 我們要帶他們去公園，去釣魚、劃船、騎車、健行。 帶他們去滑冰。 我們會多多地愛這四個孩子。

I went to deliver dinner to my friend J today, actually not J, but her family.  

I met J back in college.  There were so few of us girls in Electrical and Computer Engineering.  She's sweet, diligent, supportive, and faithful. 

J lost her 5-year battle with cancer in January, survived by her husband and four precious boys, 3, 5, 7, and 9 year olds.    When she was pregnant with boy#3, they found a grapefruit-sized tumor in her right lung, and then it metastasized to the brain after she had boy #4.  She had been incredibly strong and brave throughout the fight and remained steadfast in her faith till the very end.

The boys played in the front yard as J's husband and I talked.  Henry, the youngest one, was so sweet and gave me a feather as a gift.  Oh he's so adorable, I just wanna squeeze him.  He complained of something in his eye, so I looked very closely but found nothing.  Then the dad said, "Oh, he just needed some female attention."  I could hear my heart break into many pieces.

After we said goodbye and drove off, my eyes immediately started welling up, and i had to pull over on the next street.  Lucas was so sweet, he climbed over from the back seat and reached over to hug me.  He didn't say anything, just hugged me as tight as his little body could, put his head on mine and wept silently with me.  My heart aches for the boys, as J is no longer here to hold them and kiss their boo-boo and bake cookies with them.

So Lucas and I came up with a plan.  We'll invite them over to bake cookies and watch movies and go swimming.  We'll take them to the parks, go fishing, go canoeing, go biking and hiking, or to the skating rings.  We'll love on the boys.