1 我可以慢點/I Could Do It Slower

Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?

Dentist: Fifty dollars.

Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?

Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.

病人：拔一顆牙收費多少?

牙醫：50美元。

病人：隻幾分鍾的活兒就要50美元?

牙醫：好的，如果你喜歡的話，我可以幹得慢一些。

2 繩子那頭

The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered: "I am out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home."

"But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home!"

"I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice there was an ox at the other end of that rope."

在監獄裏，一個人問新來的犯人為什麽被關進來。新來的犯人回答說：“我想我真是倒黴。幾天前我在街上走的時候，看到一根髒繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿起來帶了回家。”

“但是，撿一根繩子帶回家並不犯法啊!”“我告訴過你我倒黴了吧?”那個人歎了口氣，“麻煩的就是我沒有注意到繩子的那一頭還有一頭公牛。”

3 請朋友吃飯

"Honey, "said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper. "

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal! "

"I know all that. "

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper? "

"Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married. "

“親愛的，”丈夫對妻子說：“我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。”

“什麽? 你瘋了嗎? 我們的房子亂糟糟的，我沒有購物，所有的碗碟都是髒的，還有，我不想做一頓大餐。”

“這些我全都知道。”

“那你為什麽還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?”

“因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。”

4 最簡單的問題

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"Well, what sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

“醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對於一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”

“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不幹脆，那你就知道是怎麽回事了。”

“那要問什麽樣的問題呢?”

“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次 呢?’”

鮑勃想了一會兒，然後緊張地笑著說道，“你就不能給出另外一個例子嗎? 我必須承認，我對曆史了解的不是很多。”

5 你太晚了

On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.

"Sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. My wife did it before you."

在公共汽車上一人發現一個小偷把手伸到了他的口袋裏。

“對不起，”他對小偷說，“你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做過同樣的事情了。”

6 喂狗/For the Dog

The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when father called over the waiter.

"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

一家人在飯館裏吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。

“先生，什麽事?”服務生問。

“我兒子的盤子裏剩下許多肉，”父親說，“能給我們一個袋子嗎? 我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。”

“啊呀，爸爸!”兒子激動地叫喊著。“我們有狗了嗎?”