1 沒問題

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.

"How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain.

If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."

"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.

一個禿頭的男人坐在理發店裏。

發型師問：“有什麽可以幫你嗎？”那個人解釋說：“我本來要去做頭發移植，但實在太疼了。

如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給你5000美元。”

“沒問題，”發型師說，然後他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。

2 我媽媽不是那樣子的

While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown.

I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua,”Who's that? ““That's my mom,”Joshua answered.

“Wow,”the man said, “My mother doesn't look like that.”“Yeah,”my son said, “well, neither does mine. “

在給我們家房子做翻新的時候，一個工人停下手中的活來看我的一張盛裝照片，照片中的我化了妝，穿著名貴的晚禮服。

我聽到他小聲地吹了一聲口哨，然後問我的兒子Joshua，“那人是誰？”“那是我媽”，Joshua回答。

“哇”，那男人說，“我媽可不是這樣子的”。“可不”，我兒子說，“呃，我媽也不是那樣子的。”

3 誰都沒空

I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window.

As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things.  I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮著。

我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。

我說沒問題，然後掛了電話，等了一分鍾，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鍾以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因為我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”

隨後，五分鍾之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”

4 在天堂結婚

A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died.

Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer.

Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven.

The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?"  St.Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

一對年輕的夫婦在去結婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。

於是，他們來到了聖徒彼得麵前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結婚，聖徒彼得告訴他們，關於這個問題他一有了結果就會回來找他們。

差不多30天以後，聖徒彼得回來了，並且告訴他們可以在天堂結婚。

妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢？”聖徒彼得看著她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個律師嗎？”

5 智力缺陷

 "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied.

"You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.

Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

 “醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對於一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，

“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不幹脆，那你就知道是怎麽回事了。”“那要問什麽樣的問題呢？”

“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，

是哪一次呢？’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎？坦率地說，我對曆史了解的不是很多。”

6 現代騎士精神

Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddles just off the curb of the busy street.

Then the back door opened and a customer got in.

As William asked the destination, the would-be passenger exited through the other door, successfully avoiding the puddles.

“Thanks,” she said. “Chivalry isn't dead after all.”

 我朋友的丈夫William（是一名出租車司機），此時正坐在車裏等著一名顧客付錢，同時，看著傾盆而下的大雨在那條忙碌的街道邊上留下一些猶如湖一般大小的水窪。

這時，車的後座門開了，一位顧客鑽了進來。

當William問她要到哪時，這名準乘客從車的另一扇門下去了，成功地躲開了那些水窪。

“謝謝”，女乘客說。“看來騎士精神畢竟還沒有死”。