1 好客 Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時, 家裏沒有奶酪了, 於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒, 他拿著一片奶酪回到房間, 把奶酪放在客人的盤子裏。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴裏說：“孩子, 你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裏找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上, 先生。”那小男孩說。
2 我丈夫馬上就要回來了 My Husband Will Be Home Soon
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
"Oh really, I can't, “he replies. "My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時, 女朋友要求他剃去胡須。
“噢, 詹姆斯, 我喜歡你的胡子, 但我更喜歡看到你英俊的麵孔。”
詹姆斯回答說, “我的妻子喜歡我的胡子, 所以我不可能剃掉它, 否則她會殺了我的。”
“噢, 我求你了, ”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說道。
“可是, 我不能, ”他回答道, “我的妻子喜歡這胡子。”
在女朋友再三請求下, 他終於屈服同意了。夜裏, 在妻子熟睡時, 詹姆斯爬上了床。
妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說道, “噢, 邁克爾, 你不應該在這裏, 我的丈夫很快就要回來了。”
3 借公牛一用 Borrow an Ox
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, “OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I’ll go myself shortly.”
從前, 有個人很富有, 但他不識字。一天, 他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛, 便寫了個條, 讓仆人送到富人那裏。仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會兒, 然後說道：“好啦, 我知道了。回去告訴你的主人, 我馬上自己過去。”
4 Akimbo 叉腰
Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn’t like washing hands──she’s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae. Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back her from doing it: “What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to her blame, replied at ease: “I’ m akimbo."
像大多數別的小孩一樣, 兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手, 吃東西弄髒手, 隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了, 她手上的油多了, 便習慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭, 我阻止道：“你想幹什麽？”她馬上意識到問題所在, 從容答道：“我叉腰。”
5 心不在焉的老師 An Absent Minded Professor
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said：“Good evening, professor. How are you？” “Well,” answered the professor, “I thought I was all right when I left home, but now I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been limping for the last half hour．”
有一天, 人們看見一個有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走, 他的一隻腳一直踏在街溝裏, 另一隻腳踩在人行道上。一個碰見他的學生說：“晚安, 老師。您怎麽了？”“啊, ”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時候還挺好的, 可是現在我不知道出了什麽毛病。我已經一瘸一拐走了半個小時了。”
6 獻錯殷勤
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.” “To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."
在一次晚餐聚會上，一位靦腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想對女主人說一些好聽的話。機會終於來了，女主人轉向他說：“瓊斯先生，您今晚的飯量太小了。”“坐在您身邊，”他殷勤地說道，“任何男人都會失去胃口的。”
(From internet)
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